I had Bell's Palsy for over a week. It is a stupid nerve problem and the right side of my face is paralyzed. I was also planning to start taking bartending courses so I could work and finance my movie next year. I don't think I can work in a bar if I can't smile or laugh or speak properly. I worked as a videographer last Saturday and everyone at the reception was super friendly. I am in the process of editing the video. It was a very positive experience and my Bell's Palsy didn't cause any problems I don't think. I explained it to some people that night so they wouldn't think I was being rude and smirking instead of smiling.

I will read about how to plant Oleanders for my movie. They are toxic and ingestion or contact with skin can be fatal. It's wonderful. I have to really be careful how I use them and how I plant them though. I hope I can plant them indoors. I planted a morning glory indoors before in a tiny pot thinking it was a flower but it was a vine and it outgrew it's pot too fast. It died when I tried to transplant it. I hope I have time to plant stuff next year after I shoot my movie.

I wanna shoot it within 20 days if I can... I'm gonna take more time to write a script to the best of my abilities. I'm gonna have guns in it. I'm gonna have good action with gunplay, an array of unusual weapons. I hope the Scarlet will be released early. That's where a lot of the money will go... into investing in a cinema camera. My sister said I should just shoot with what I have already... I used my A1U for a year and I know it quite well. I like it as my workhorse camera for events but it isn't up to the job for a movie. There will be lots of visual problems like noise in lowlight, low dynamic range, flat images... I know I have a lot to prove. That's why I don't want to take baby steps to feature-length. That's why I don't want to do bitch work on other movies. Some people might enjoy being an AD and following orders forever. Great, maybe they can work for me some day.

Over the weekend, I didn't do much. I didn't touch my script for a while. Instead, I've been thinking about how I'm gonna do certain things like sound and special effects. I've never had to think about so many things at once for so many days in a row but I think it has been keeping my brain very active and I am warding off Alzheimer's and other brain-age related problems. Woohoo!

I wrote a lot of stuff in the past few days on three different pieces of paper. I have to refine my dialogue to create a sense that every character introduced is not a new acquaintance of my main character. Some of them need to seem like they're old friends. Movies are all about illusion. I'm also trying to isolate a main bad guy who will help propel the final showdown. I have a super sinister criminal plot that makes sense.

In other news, I saw a bunch of crap movies on the bargain shelf at Pathmark. They specialize in groceries. I had a fear growing in me. I would be mortified if my movie would only make it to these shelves. I saw some other good movies that ended up here like Lost in Translation. It's worse than a shallow grave for a movie. I will do everything within my power to get the best actor and have the best plot and story possible. Straight to video, straight to supermarket, and straight to airplane are not what I'm destined for.

In three days, we will learn what Red has in store for us. I want my Scarlet in APRIL 2009 or sooner. This news will make or break me. I did not want to shoot on any other camera and I have been following the news on this camera dearly. Don't let me down please... I need this camera and I need to start shooting next Spring. I don't want to settle for another camera. It will create a big void in my heart and I'll lose sleep over how I did not get my money's worth with any other camera in that price range.

I read more into Rodriguez' book and it has reassured me that I am on the right track. He did not write his script the proper way. Editing takes skill and back then, it took a lot of patience. I will do everything on my own computer(s). I wanna use FCP but I need OS X. I'll make an intense trailer and do a rough cut first after I am done shooting.

I index carded all my scenes and now I can fix my story's pace, play around with characters, see plot holes. Most importantly, when I plan to shoot, I can rearrange all my cards according to location and character so I won't waste time revisiting places and I won't waste peoples' time. I can just keep people for three days if I have to and goodbye.

For shooting, I think I will only go with one storage card. I'm not rich so I will try to cut down on number of takes. I will use two cheap lights and maybe a few more and try out diffusion and play with the black foil. I am in my twenties at a convenient time. Digital makes everything so much easier and digital is surpassing film, slowly but surely. But the economy.. man, what a time we live in. My camera? I am anxiously awaiting the Red Scarlet. After months of reading and anticipation an earlier render with great specs to boot, Jim Jannard told us to forget everything we knew about it. Now we're all waiting for November 13, a bunch of grown men waiting for a new toy to play with.

I hope I can continue doing things minimally in the future. I prefer to take matters into my own hands. It's my movie, I want to control the outcome. I even wanted to do the music myself but I lack the skills. I would if I could. I'm sick of the Hollywood sissy way with a million people crawling on top of each other on set like a zoo. A true director should see the movie in their own head and do everything to turn their imagination into something we can all see. I'm especially sick of indies that do things the Hollywood way, but just on a lower budget. People don't know how to embrace their freedom, their INDEPENDENCE. Live a little.

Today, I will continue reading, working bits of my story around. I have another book to get to - Your Screenplay Sucks - 100 ways to make it great. I peaked at it in a bookstore once and thought it was speaking to me, the budding filmmaker. I'm not a writer, I'm a filmmaker first and foremost. My art is audiovisual storytelling because I feel words are not enough. If I wanted to be a writer I could've lived centuries ago. Gotta take advantage of today's opportunities! It's not about some god or gold, it's all about glory.

Project White Flowers commences documentation

I have written 50-something pages on my script but I am still structuring and struggling with dialogue. I decided to document my progress for future reference after I started reading Robert Rodriguez' Rebel without a Crew.

How do I feel about the book?

I am intimidated. He had 10-years of shooting and editing his own way. That experience is invaluable. He also has cast and crew in the form of siblings. I haven't had people I could count on for more than a single day at a time. Two days in a row? Don't even think about it. That's how I am gonna play my movie. Using people for single days only and feed them and show them the door. Unless someone actually takes their acting/production career seriously, we can work out something. He also mentioned Orsen Welles made Citizen Kane at 25 and Spielberg made Jaws at 26. I feel pressure that I need to break through within two years.

I am reassured. I watched several more expensive productions and I have a mind like a sponge at the age of 23. I feel I can do everything they did, I just don't want to climb their stupid hierarchy. I am the anti-Hollywood, I will not do things their way. Rodriguez' book speaks to me. It's like he's 23, making his first movie as well, talking to me. I am poor like him, crewless like him. I am ambitious.

I will see his El Mariachi and raise him by my movie, "Project White Flowers." Obviously, that's not the real name. This is the work of my life though! I will succeed and see it through.

First step will be to get some index cards (for free because that's how stingy I have to be) and write my scenes down and rearrange them. I am lacking a lot of things. I take notes whenever I imagine scenes in my head and I hear the perfect one-liners or imagine the best action scenes. Anyway, I am learning slowly, but I'd like to have a complete draft of my script by the end of this month. To take a cue from Rodriguez, the best way to learn is to throw myself into the fire.